Why under these stars.....

... Why under these stars is it so easy to let go and just believe?

Why do you become so murky the moment I enter my house?

Why are you so hard to hear the second I enter my work place?

When trouble raises it's voice; why do I pretend that I barely know you?

Yet under that celestial canvas of yours it's so much easier to remember who you are and who I am?

Why is it so easy to believe that you created me and found a way to save me.

Yet when it comes to my problems, worries, and fears I find a way to forget who you are?

When you tell me your yoke is light and your burden is easy I seem to prefer the weight of my own burden as sweat beads drip off my face.

It doesn't make sense.

But under your stars it all makes sense.

If I weren't renting I'd consider a homemade skylight in my house to fix this problem.

Santa, Cinderella, and Pixie Fairy's

My little kids believe in some very interesting things. At Christmas time my 5 year old puts out Cookies for Santa and Carrots for his reindeer. When she wakes up Christmas morning she truly believes that Santa and Rudolph came into our house and partook!

I've never heard her break down the specifics of what an overnight trip to every house in the world would take. She's never asked me how a deer can defy gravity and fly from house to house... she just believes.

I have had a faith in God as my creator and Jesus as my savior and redeemer for nearly 30 years. Although i wonder on a daily basis how God can speak the Universe into existance. How did he speak and human life came to be. Every day i wonder how over 4000 years ago a guy named Moses walked on dry ground through the Red Sea. I still wonder how Jesus physically was dead... but he defied death and came back to life

I wonder how people who believe in a loving God/Savior can meet sunday morning and sing and talk about Freedom yet they live chained to religion?

There's a lot that doesn't make sense to me

Whats my problem?

I stumbled upon this:

Luke Chapter 10 Verse 21

At that time Jesus, full of joy through the Holy Spirit, said, "I praise you, Father, Lord of heaven and earth, because you have hidden these things from the wise and learned, and revealed them to little children. Yes, Father, for this was your good pleasure.

Are you kidding? Is it that easy?

All the truths of God are hidden in the children and the way they process things?

I will become a student at home now! When my daughter asks me if Cinderella truly sleeps in Cinderella's castle at Disney World in Orlando... I'll smile! She's helping me under stand my maker!

Just believe!

Wrestling with God

I would like to start this by saying that I am in awe of God. I "fear" God in the awestruck sense. How can you not? Look at what he's made. Look at this litle seed of faith in me that connects me to an unseen creator... I am obviously in awe of Him.

But what i am about to say may sound unconventional.

I truly believe God wants to pick a fight with some of us!

Before calling the religion police on me... let me explain.

Genesis 32 is a chapter that is tough for a lot of people to explain (including me)
All i know is that a great man of faith (Jacob) was ravaged by fear.
He questioned all the things God had been promising Him for years.
Jacob sent half of his crew to ease the fear... the other half he sent into retreat mode.
Which means... Jacob was alone.
In a piece of scripture that a lot of people have a hard time explaining God came down and physically wrestled with Jacob... i am not sure in what form but i know he battled him in some sense... even came away with a limp ... the limp was like a scar... proof that you got cut!!!!

I have spent many nights like Jacob...swimming in a bottom-less pool of fear.
When i read about God visiting Jacob in his tent to "do battle with Him" ... it gives me chills because God has visited my tent many times and i fought and yelled and screamed at Him!!

"why did this happen?"
"rescue me from these circumstances"
"thats not fair"
"cut down my enemies"
"you said that i am your kid and yet you allow trouble to beat me up"

I finally got the point.

God would rather have me yelling and screaming at Him than have me run away.

I am not the only one that runs to things to ignore a pending clash with God.

Shopping, alcohol, movies, books, excercise, sports, sleep ... we will do what we can to avoid hashing things out with God

The picture that comes to mind is an image of a person beating on God's chest.

While beating on God's chest you are yelling "WHY AM I HURTING AND IN PAIN?"

"WHY WON'T YOU TAKE IT AWAY"

yell, beat on His chest ... in the end your strength and efforts will leave you tired and you will fall against Him and He will wrap you in comfort.

either way... The Creator of the Universe and lover of your soul is so madley in love with you just the way you are that He'd rather have you raise your voice at Him than run away and ignore him.

Like King David hiding in a field yelling to God to slay David's enemies... He was frustrated, angry, and confused but i will end this the same way he did

you are great God... and your love endures forever!

God's LOL's

Prov 17: 22 A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.

LOL... I know it was thousands of years ago but i am pretty sure God meant to include a lot of LOL's throughout the Bible.

Knowing from scripture that God encourages laughter and a joyful heart is so cool to me.

I say that because God knew... that in 2008 stocks would be down, gas and milk would be 4 bucks a gallon, cancer and diabetes up, car accidents and death up, broken homes every where, choas and divorce are the norm, depression is life for most, morality is ancient, hurt, brokenness, and hopelessness would breed.

The creator of Joy and laughter knew 08 was comin'

I need to laugh more... he's is Hope why shouldn't I laugh?

The Broken

Lately i feel like God has been bringing broken people across my path.
I am not sure why. So i started thinking about it.

I am not rich.
I am healthy (barely).
I am blessed.

Some times i feel guilty about that.
Until i ran across this:

2Corinthians Chapter 1 verses 3 and 4
"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of all compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in our troubles, that that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God"

Tomorrow i could get taken out in a t-bone accident and it's all over. Depressing but motivating.

SO I HAVE TODAY!
to open my hands and let God use me if he wants to bring someone comfort.
In spite of my sin. In spite of the chinks in my armor. In spite of my troubles.
Through that noise... i will utter these words in a soft whisper
"Use me. If you can."

It's funny. I always remember amazing emotional/spiritual experiences.

But i am finding that those moments of "feeling" are wasted if they don't get you through the times where the presence of God is not lifting you off the ground.

To close... these lyrics from David Crowder speak whats on my heart:


Here we are Here we are
The broken and used
Mistreated, abused
Here we are Here You are Here You are
The beautiful one Who came like a Son
Here You are
So we lift up our voices
We open our hands
To cling to the love That we can’t comprehend
Oh, lift up your voices A nd lift up your heads
To sing of the love That has freed us from sin
He is the one Who has saved us
He is the one Who embraced us
He is the one who has come
And is coming again
He’s the remedy
Here we are Here we are
Bandaged and bruised
Awaiting a cure
Here we are Here You are Here You are
Our beautiful King
Bringing relief
Here You are with us
So we lift up our voices
And open our hands
Let go of the things That have kept us from Him
He is the one Who has saved us
He is the one Who forgave us
He is the one who has come
And is coming again
He’s the remedy
Oh, I can’t comprehend I can’t take it all in
Never understand Such perfect love come
For the broken and beat For the wounded and weak
Oh, come fall at His feet
He’s the remedy
Oh, in us You’re the remedy
Let us be the remedy
Let us bring the remedy

life with God

Today i was really trying to figure out a plan... a mental plan for my life.





When i try to cope with the fears and anxieties that try to crush me... i think about God.
I, in a sense run to Him in my thoughts... saying "Help me!!!!!"
the thought that hit me today....

God/Jesus does not exist in my life for the purpose of a comfortable life (as much as i try to use Him that way)

God does not exist like my cable/phone/internet triple package. (having Him around should bring me comort and keep me connected)

Having fellowship with Jesus through Faith is not a way to live a better life.

He is life! A world a part from Him is chaos.


Thats a challenge to me. When i pray to God i really need to understand who i am talking to.



Not the CEO of a lifestyle choice...

but rather the BEGINNING AND THE END...The Alpha and Omega.
You made my fingers. You made my eye balls to focus in different lights.
You gave me the ability to love and be loved.
When my body gets an infection it automatically tries to heal itself.

You did that!
If the life Job lived falls upon me... suffering and death i mean.
Will I still pray to the creator of the universe the same way?





May i start today. Fellowshiping with the "Great I AM"
rather than using God as though he was the SUV over the corrolla

He is not the 2100 SQ FT house over the old 1400 SQ FT house

whether in death or life... He is.

He's a loving creator reaching through a star filled sky screaming at the top of His lungs how much he wants me to rest and trust in him....

if you watch "Horton Hears a Who" that new pixar movie with Jim Carrey you get a good picture of what God is like to us... Using as many things as he can to screeeeeammmm out His love... I pray i can hear it through all the baggage/noise in my life.
Thanks for loving me first.
you and i both know I shouldn't be worth your time.

some april 08 thoughts

doing some searching for a new church here in Florida.

This is the 2nd straight week i feel like i heard a sermon i myself could have preached when i was 5 years old. It makes me wonder why God put me through extensive spiritual weight training but i still can't find the reason why.

what i am saying is.... smuggling Bibles into China... dying in Ireland... breaking the legalism in the USA... the wars i've fought spiritually and yet i have to go to church on sunday and listen to sermons that i preached in my PJ's from a fake pulpit when i was 6 years old.

I am asking God "what the heck"

but i get so annoid by people who take soooo much pride in their "ministry"

when you start making tshirts and bumper stickers... you've got a hobby not a "ministry"

but at the same time... i have come through sooo many spiritual battles that maybe it's time to start passing some of that on... but at the risk of being arogant and prideful ...

God why did you stick me on a little island in the atlantic for 2 years... in a convent none the less!! Watching members of the Chinese mafia in Hong Kong weep in the street when the Holy Spirit moved on their hearts... yelling at you God while holding a beer in a cemetary outside the convant in Dublin..... will any of that stuff ever make sense? Was it just to do a radio show and raise a couple kids and a wife to know you?

heck.. you and i both know how fake i am!!! But i guess through that mirage... use the war scars you gave me.

i almost have to laugh... us humans must frustate you. if you weren't in love with us.... i think you'd be long gone.

from Oprah saying you don't exist because she misread some scripture as a kid... to some of the Christians who listen to my radio show that think they are more holy than you....

in the end i just want to stare at a star filled sky.... i'll hear your song in my head... i don't need a church bulletin or an elder to pull that off... i feel the desire to speak out the universal word "Hallelujuah" more when i gaze at the beauty you created then when i walk into a man made ministry.

you oh God are good... you are the creator of Love... laughter... hope... life