Friday, April 25, 2008

The Broken

Lately i feel like God has been bringing broken people across my path.
I am not sure why. So i started thinking about it.

I am not rich.
I am healthy (barely).
I am blessed.
Some times i feel guilty about that.
Until i ran across this:

2Corinthians Chapter 1 verses 3 and 4
"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of all compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in our troubles, that that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God"

Tomorrow i could get taken out in a t-bone accident and it's all over. Depressing but motivating.

to open my hands and let God use me if he wants to bring someone comfort.
In spite of my sin. In spite of the chinks in my armor. In spite of my troubles.
Through that noise... i will utter these words in a soft whisper
"Use me. If you can."

It's funny. I always remember amazing emotional/spiritual experiences.

But i am finding that those moments of "feeling" are wasted if they don't get you through the times where the presence of God is not lifting you off the ground.

To close... these lyrics from David Crowder speak whats on my heart:

Here we are Here we are
The broken and used
Mistreated, abused
Here we are Here You are Here You are
The beautiful one Who came like a Son
Here You are
So we lift up our voices
We open our hands
To cling to the love That we can’t comprehend
Oh, lift up your voices A nd lift up your heads
To sing of the love That has freed us from sin
He is the one Who has saved us
He is the one Who embraced us
He is the one who has come
And is coming again
He’s the remedy
Here we are Here we are
Bandaged and bruised
Awaiting a cure
Here we are Here You are Here You are
Our beautiful King
Bringing relief
Here You are with us
So we lift up our voices
And open our hands
Let go of the things That have kept us from Him
He is the one Who has saved us
He is the one Who forgave us
He is the one who has come
And is coming again
He’s the remedy
Oh, I can’t comprehend I can’t take it all in
Never understand Such perfect love come
For the broken and beat For the wounded and weak
Oh, come fall at His feet
He’s the remedy
Oh, in us You’re the remedy
Let us be the remedy
Let us bring the remedy

Sunday, April 6, 2008

life with God

Today i was really trying to figure out a plan... a mental plan for my life.

When i try to cope with the fears and anxieties that try to crush me... i think about God.
I, in a sense run to Him in my thoughts... saying "Help me!!!!!"
the thought that hit me today....

God/Jesus does not exist in my life for the purpose of a comfortable life (as much as i try to use Him that way)

God does not exist like my cable/phone/internet triple package. (having Him around should bring me comort and keep me connected)

Having fellowship with Jesus through Faith is not a way to live a better life.

He is life! A world a part from Him is chaos.

Thats a challenge to me. When i pray to God i really need to understand who i am talking to.

Not the CEO of a lifestyle choice...

but rather the BEGINNING AND THE END...The Alpha and Omega.
You made my fingers. You made my eye balls to focus in different lights.
You gave me the ability to love and be loved.
When my body gets an infection it automatically tries to heal itself.

You did that!
If the life Job lived falls upon me... suffering and death i mean.
Will I still pray to the creator of the universe the same way?

May i start today. Fellowshiping with the "Great I AM"
rather than using God as though he was the SUV over the corrolla

He is not the 2100 SQ FT house over the old 1400 SQ FT house

whether in death or life... He is.

He's a loving creator reaching through a star filled sky screaming at the top of His lungs how much he wants me to rest and trust in him....

if you watch "Horton Hears a Who" that new pixar movie with Jim Carrey you get a good picture of what God is like to us... Using as many things as he can to screeeeeammmm out His love... I pray i can hear it through all the baggage/noise in my life.
Thanks for loving me first.
you and i both know I shouldn't be worth your time.

some april 08 thoughts

doing some searching for a new church here in Florida.

This is the 2nd straight week i feel like i heard a sermon i myself could have preached when i was 5 years old. It makes me wonder why God put me through extensive spiritual weight training but i still can't find the reason why.
what i am saying is.... smuggling Bibles into China... dying in Ireland... breaking the legalism in the USA... the wars i've fought spiritually and yet i have to go to church on sunday and listen to sermons that i preached in my PJ's from a fake pulpit when i was 6 years old.

I am asking God "what the heck"

but i get so annoid by people who take soooo much pride in their "ministry"
when you start making tshirts and bumper stickers... you've got a hobby not a "ministry"

but at the same time... i have come through sooo many spiritual battles that maybe it's time to start passing some of that on... but at the risk of being arogant and prideful ...
God why did you stick me on a little island in the atlantic for 2 years... in a convent none the less!! Watching members of the Chinese mafia in Hong Kong weep in the street when the Holy Spirit moved on their hearts... yelling at you God while holding a beer in a cemetary outside the convant in Dublin..... will any of that stuff ever make sense? Was it just to do a radio show and raise a couple kids and a wife to know you?

heck.. you and i both know how fake i am!!! But i guess through that mirage... use the war scars you gave me.
i almost have to laugh... us humans must frustate you. if you weren't in love with us.... i think you'd be long gone.

from Oprah saying you don't exist because she misread some scripture as a kid... to some of the Christians who listen to my radio show that think they are more holy than you....

in the end i just want to stare at a star filled sky.... i'll hear your song in my head... i don't need a church bulletin or an elder to pull that off... i feel the desire to speak out the universal word "Hallelujuah" more when i gaze at the beauty you created then when i walk into a man made ministry.
you oh God are good... you are the creator of Love... laughter... hope... life